I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
