So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
