easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize