we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
