the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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