my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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