Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
