why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
