butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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