I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
