I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
