If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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