I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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