its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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