sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
