It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
