she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Everclear isn't food dammit
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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