We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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