Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
