a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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