i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
