I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize