you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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