Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
