Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
