3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
