If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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