I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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