Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
