google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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