you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
