just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
