Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
