Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
