sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
