Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
