I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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