planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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