His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
