Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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