i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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