she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
