I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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