Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
