best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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