...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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