it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
