I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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