Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So many bounce houses so little time
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
