Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
