1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
only if we run a train.
done.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
