so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
