You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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