Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
