at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
