I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
