I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
