how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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