i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
