she looked like the before picture.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
