So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize