He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize