im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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