I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
