My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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