you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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