Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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