a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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