The maid of honor just puked.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
