Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
