glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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